I originally knew that this would be an EPIC PHAIL of a movie. Half the critics said it was good, half said it was bad...i dunno what was wrong with THAT half. Well, anyways, I wanted to see it since i've seen all of the other ones (which are awesome, by the way). I didn't expect it to be as bad as I had predicted, but man was i WRONG.
Okay, let's start off on acting. Well, the people were pretty good actors, not very cheap. Harrison Ford did well, but it wasn't the actors that made the acting part so lame. It was the lines. Almost everything Indy said was a variation of "I gotcha! BAM!" It worked a bit in the old ones, carefully spread out. But here, that was just it. Ford didn't even get to say any of his cool and funny lines like in the original ones. So, i'm sorry, it's not his fault. Now, let's move on to the little kid who was Indy's "son". Shia Labeouf. He was the most annoying little twirp, and i COULD NOT STAND HIM. The little kid and even more childish directors made the guy look all "cool" wearing his leather jacket and riding his awesome motorcycle, always smoothing his greasy hair. I don't know what the directors were trying to accomplish making this guy look uber-cool or something. After him, there was Indy's girlfriend that appeared later in the movie, a vain attempt at making it seem like Indy had a love life. WELL HE DOESN'T. Over the past decades, he had an image as lone ranger and now these morons think they can make him some groveling dog at the feet of one VERY UGLY WOMAN (Karen Allen). Well, those were the main actors. Not all of them goo, but mainly rotted by the poorly made lines.
Okay, on to the storyline. This was made the movie not only bad, but also horrifying to watch. Why, god, why did they have to put aliens in it? Everything led to these "ancient" aztec ruins where the power of the skull was to be drawn....now that is what i call an awful storyline. I'm pretty sure it was meant to symbolize unity for man and a deep inner longing to be with each other, end the wars and suffering. It was to see how man depends on a higher force for survival, a God....or maybe it was justly composed plot. THE MYSTERY CONTINUES! I hated how it relied heavily on magic and mysticism, i mean, the other ones were okay because they were more practical, but this one just pushed it over the edge. Speaking impracticality....
I'll explain how IMPRACTICAL the movie was. There were many things that obviously couldn't happen in real life, mainly the fight scenes. In most of the other old films, they were pretty good and seemed possible. In this one, it was ust impossible to recreate in reality what was happening. Make it seem plausible... One thing that really stood out to me was the atom bomb part. I thought the idea was kinda cool, you know, like "you're dead" type thing. It would have been really funny if it was the bad guys finding them selves in a plastic city. However, i wondered, how was Indy gonna get out of this? Let's hide in the -++LeadLined++- fridge! So, of course, the bomb blasts him at 1000mph into the air then falls with a hard-hit landing from like 10,000 feet. He walks without a broken bone out of the fridge....that's not weird at all. Another thing is, i really noticed how they demonized the Russians...They made them seem like evil, incompetent communist-loving villains. You know movie standards are low when Indiana Jones is being exploited for propaganda.
Okay, well, if you like the old Indy films, watch them, because this one will disappoint you.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Dead Men Walking...Why don't you just say The Walking Dead?
Okay, well I pretty much just finished watching a movie called Dead Men Walking. As you can guess, it is a zombie movie. One of the worst I've ever seen.
Now, don't get me wrong, i ADORE zombie movies. i love brain-blasting action. However, this zombie movie was different. it stood out....in a bad way. It's about some guy who is infected with a zombie virus gets sent to jail. why? because he killed a bunch of zombies and the police thought he made a massacre, while the guy was trying to save his family from zombies. the thing i found stupid about that is he did not make any sort of explanation up. nothing. He just shrugs and "goes off to jail like a good citizen".
Anyways, he gets the entire prison infected. So, coincidentally, this good-looking guy and this good-looking girl are also stuck in the prison, i think they were scientists. While i was watching this movie from the beginning, it seemed good. i could tell they were building up suspense for the action-packed zombie killing spree. I mean, it was a prison with guards...
Turns out i was horribly mistaken. After the zombie action starts there's a bit of "boom-boom" then for the next hour or so it's just gore. zombies eating the guards, tearing off limbs and stuff. these people must have spent like $5000 on rolls of sausages for the ketchup-stuffed intestines. IT WAS DISGUSTING. Hardly a shot was fired. And when there was gun action, you might see one zombie die then you get to watch 10 guards get eaten. As an added bonus, you get to see some other guy kill himself because he was infected. One part that really stood out was when some guy got incapacitated and couldn't walk. He sat on the ground with his gun and fired as a horde of zombies came after him. When they were about 10 ft. away, he tried to kill himself. no bullets. An obvious and quite predictable twist. The thing i found really stupid was why did the guy just not kill himself in the first place? I mean, there's no way he was going to kill all of those zombies with a handgun while crippled. What was he trying to accomplish? more importantly, was it just a futile plot by the creator of the movie to set up a "Oh, you're screwed" scene?
Other than the improbable acts of the characters in the movie, the entire storyline was a disaster as well. At first, it was some "mysterious-scientific" quest to figure out what kind of disease these guys are suffering from. In the first 10 minutes, i thought it was engaging and watched, hoping to see some kind of sick twist about the virus. Then, the action starts and i realize that plot is going nowhere. so for the next 2 hours it's watching those losers try to escape, then some guards being eaten, then the losers, then guards, then the losers...... Also, i found it strange that the losers only had a handgun and some blunt weapon whilst the guards had shotguns and rifles. yet the guards were eaten and the losers escaped unharmed. Can't people make realistic movies these days?
I forgot to tell you, there IS a twist at the end. IT'S NOT ONLY PREDICTABLE, IT'S ALSO REALLY STUPID! AS AN ADDED BONUS! The girl runs out of the building. The police were informed about the "riot" in the jail and surrounded the building. The girls runs out and smiles. She waves at a sniper, "don't shoot". He shoots. She dies.
A bad ending to an even badder movie....This is not something a person with a weak stomach should watch, but if you have a weak mind you should do fine.
Now, don't get me wrong, i ADORE zombie movies. i love brain-blasting action. However, this zombie movie was different. it stood out....in a bad way. It's about some guy who is infected with a zombie virus gets sent to jail. why? because he killed a bunch of zombies and the police thought he made a massacre, while the guy was trying to save his family from zombies. the thing i found stupid about that is he did not make any sort of explanation up. nothing. He just shrugs and "goes off to jail like a good citizen".
Anyways, he gets the entire prison infected. So, coincidentally, this good-looking guy and this good-looking girl are also stuck in the prison, i think they were scientists. While i was watching this movie from the beginning, it seemed good. i could tell they were building up suspense for the action-packed zombie killing spree. I mean, it was a prison with guards...
Turns out i was horribly mistaken. After the zombie action starts there's a bit of "boom-boom" then for the next hour or so it's just gore. zombies eating the guards, tearing off limbs and stuff. these people must have spent like $5000 on rolls of sausages for the ketchup-stuffed intestines. IT WAS DISGUSTING. Hardly a shot was fired. And when there was gun action, you might see one zombie die then you get to watch 10 guards get eaten. As an added bonus, you get to see some other guy kill himself because he was infected. One part that really stood out was when some guy got incapacitated and couldn't walk. He sat on the ground with his gun and fired as a horde of zombies came after him. When they were about 10 ft. away, he tried to kill himself. no bullets. An obvious and quite predictable twist. The thing i found really stupid was why did the guy just not kill himself in the first place? I mean, there's no way he was going to kill all of those zombies with a handgun while crippled. What was he trying to accomplish? more importantly, was it just a futile plot by the creator of the movie to set up a "Oh, you're screwed" scene?
Other than the improbable acts of the characters in the movie, the entire storyline was a disaster as well. At first, it was some "mysterious-scientific" quest to figure out what kind of disease these guys are suffering from. In the first 10 minutes, i thought it was engaging and watched, hoping to see some kind of sick twist about the virus. Then, the action starts and i realize that plot is going nowhere. so for the next 2 hours it's watching those losers try to escape, then some guards being eaten, then the losers, then guards, then the losers...... Also, i found it strange that the losers only had a handgun and some blunt weapon whilst the guards had shotguns and rifles. yet the guards were eaten and the losers escaped unharmed. Can't people make realistic movies these days?
I forgot to tell you, there IS a twist at the end. IT'S NOT ONLY PREDICTABLE, IT'S ALSO REALLY STUPID! AS AN ADDED BONUS! The girl runs out of the building. The police were informed about the "riot" in the jail and surrounded the building. The girls runs out and smiles. She waves at a sniper, "don't shoot". He shoots. She dies.
A bad ending to an even badder movie....This is not something a person with a weak stomach should watch, but if you have a weak mind you should do fine.
Disaster Movie WAS A DISASTER
Yes, well i recently watched Disaster Movie. It seems to be a part of a long chain of movies,such as "Epic Movie", "Scary Movie", and others with similar titles. The Scary Movies were good, but many of the other ones were just complete failures. This mean pretty much any of those franchise movies other than the Scary Movies was a disaster.
Well, back to the point. i was watching Disaster Movie, and i admit it had some laughs. But after a while it jus got to be plain stupid. You cannot make a good movie when the jokes come out of random, they have to go in-sync with the storyline and be related. I remember one part the guys went into a building and for some stupid reason the women from Sex and the City appeared. After a fight, it just kind of ended. COMPLETELY RANDOM. Most of these out of place jokes usually aren't funny just because of their placement.
It's not just the jokes that are sort of lame, it's the entire storyline. everything goes to fast and people nd ideas pop out of nowhere. One second you get to like this character, then he/she dies. Everybody just kept going somewhere and it was very difficult to follow. Also, the storyline was also very much simple and in my opinion a third grader could have come up with a better one. "Save the world from disaster" it was.
Ther was another thing that really ticked me off. Whenever a charactr did soemthing that changed his/her appearance (this includes fluid, tearing off of shirts, etc..) right in the next scene they're back to normal. Like nothing happened. One guy is covered in blood in one moment, the next he's fine and his hair is groomed. You'd really need the atention span of a braindead individual to find this stimulating at all. Other than that, it was completely vulgar. The end song all the characters sang about how they were f***ing each other. i mean, really, this seems like the kind of joke movie you'd play at some college party.
If you want a completely unrealistic, boring, random, semi-funny movie, this is IT.
Well, back to the point. i was watching Disaster Movie, and i admit it had some laughs. But after a while it jus got to be plain stupid. You cannot make a good movie when the jokes come out of random, they have to go in-sync with the storyline and be related. I remember one part the guys went into a building and for some stupid reason the women from Sex and the City appeared. After a fight, it just kind of ended. COMPLETELY RANDOM. Most of these out of place jokes usually aren't funny just because of their placement.
It's not just the jokes that are sort of lame, it's the entire storyline. everything goes to fast and people nd ideas pop out of nowhere. One second you get to like this character, then he/she dies. Everybody just kept going somewhere and it was very difficult to follow. Also, the storyline was also very much simple and in my opinion a third grader could have come up with a better one. "Save the world from disaster" it was.
Ther was another thing that really ticked me off. Whenever a charactr did soemthing that changed his/her appearance (this includes fluid, tearing off of shirts, etc..) right in the next scene they're back to normal. Like nothing happened. One guy is covered in blood in one moment, the next he's fine and his hair is groomed. You'd really need the atention span of a braindead individual to find this stimulating at all. Other than that, it was completely vulgar. The end song all the characters sang about how they were f***ing each other. i mean, really, this seems like the kind of joke movie you'd play at some college party.
If you want a completely unrealistic, boring, random, semi-funny movie, this is IT.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Who here has seen Australia?
Okay, like yesterday I watched the movie Australia. Let me tell you, it is something I do not wanna watch again.
It was over 2 hours of PURE lame acting. The actors had such cheesy expressions and syrupy lines. It seemed like the kind of "romance-action" film that would appeal to an 11 year old. I love how t epitomizd the "strong man" (who was hideous and oiled....ew...) andt he "feminine" woman (who was a stick, I swear they stuffed her clothes). Their acting was so bad and predictable that I had more fun guessing at what point they were going to have their next "epic" kiss. The entire reason i sat around for 2 hours was to watch the action sequence. And guess what? BOOM BOOM BAM! in 5 seconds it's over.
It was not just the acting that was hideous, but the entire storyline. I mean, there's a scene with this kid who stops an entire stampede with his "aboriginal" magic. Then there's some old guy in a diaper dancing around who i THINK is supposed to be metaphorical in some way, but i'm not sure. Other than those stupid parts, there was also the fact that nobody could eer accomplish what they did. There's like 4 of them and they herd a whole ton of cattle across Australia.
The little kid in the movie who was a "halfie" really annoyed me. He had to exagerate every other word to make it seem like he was some naive kid and the entire plot is supposed to be shrouded around him and his destiny.
All in all, it was an awful movie and I'd reccomend it if you have 2 hours to kill.
It was over 2 hours of PURE lame acting. The actors had such cheesy expressions and syrupy lines. It seemed like the kind of "romance-action" film that would appeal to an 11 year old. I love how t epitomizd the "strong man" (who was hideous and oiled....ew...) andt he "feminine" woman (who was a stick, I swear they stuffed her clothes). Their acting was so bad and predictable that I had more fun guessing at what point they were going to have their next "epic" kiss. The entire reason i sat around for 2 hours was to watch the action sequence. And guess what? BOOM BOOM BAM! in 5 seconds it's over.
It was not just the acting that was hideous, but the entire storyline. I mean, there's a scene with this kid who stops an entire stampede with his "aboriginal" magic. Then there's some old guy in a diaper dancing around who i THINK is supposed to be metaphorical in some way, but i'm not sure. Other than those stupid parts, there was also the fact that nobody could eer accomplish what they did. There's like 4 of them and they herd a whole ton of cattle across Australia.
The little kid in the movie who was a "halfie" really annoyed me. He had to exagerate every other word to make it seem like he was some naive kid and the entire plot is supposed to be shrouded around him and his destiny.
All in all, it was an awful movie and I'd reccomend it if you have 2 hours to kill.
Putyour worst movies here!
Okay, this is a blog I created specifically for the purpose of people putting the worst movies they've ever seen here. It can be any movie, no limitaions. Foreign, new, old. Just add it and share why you think it's a bad movie and we'll discuss.
Thank you =)
Thank you =)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
